The Weird Stuff On my Desk

Jordan Dane
@JordanDane

In a recent interview, someone asked me about my writer’s desk. They wanted pictures. My desk is in a constant state of clutter. I have books ideas, edit notes, and research piled high. Even though it looks like a complete mess, I generally know where everything is. I’m better organized online, but I am a packrat.

A better thing to talk about are the weird things I’ve accumulated over years and KEEP on my desk. While I was gone to the OWFI conference in Oklahoma recently, my husband waited for me to leave town before he cleaned my office. Basically he took the things I had in moving boxes and displayed them so it didn’t look as if we just moved in. I have taken over our upstairs media room and use it solely for my office. It’s like an apartment, suitable for my desktop sprawl so we can keep the rest of our house in order and pretend we are grown-ups. 

When I got back from OK, my office looked like someone could really work there. It was like taking a trip down memory lane, too. He hung my awards, recognitions, and B.S. degree. (I write fiction. Of course, I have a degree in BS. Duh.) He also has a section of photos on the wall - fun pics of salmon fishing with friends when we lived in Alaska. I have my writing contest certificates and old volleyball trophies and plagues when I was a player and coach in Alaska. My office is like a time machine now.

I tell people that I use toys to keep me plugged into my inner child so I could write YA, but that’s not entirely true. I am NEVER far away from my inner child. Since I chose not to have kids, I’ve never had to be a good example to ANYONE. So my inner child is totally me. Writing YA only gave me a reason to get worse. So the things I have on my desk were accumulated BEFORE I wrote YA.

Here are a few:

Pog Mo Thoin sign – a gift from my aunt and grandmother. It means "Kiss my Ass" in Gaelic. (Yes, I’m bilingual in obscenit-ese.)

Hat collection – My Greenbay Packer cap lights up and flashes & I wear my hardhat & bee antennas to ward off writer’s block.

Walkie-talkies – Doesn’t everyone have these on their desk? My husband and I recently used them to trap a stray Great Dane in our backyard to rescue him. True story.

Screaming Tomahawk – When you strike it on a surface, it screams bloody murder. I use it for scary scene writing to get me in the mood.

Mr Perfect Doll – Pull a chord on his back and he tells me whatever I need to hear. And no, he is not anatomically correct.

Diva Dog - This was a gift from very dear friends who thought Paris Hilton and I would have plenty in common once I got famous. The stuffed dog is a purse with a pen zipped into its back for autographs.

Okay so I have dished the truth about my office and desk where I write. Now it’s your turn. What is the weirdest thing on YOUR desk…at home or work? I want deets, people. We’re all friends here. I promise not to tell anyone, so spill.